Monday, November 30, 2009
most miserable day of my life
I suddenly felt so stress! so freakin stress! everyh=thin just gave way!one by one i fought for to gain trust and respect yet one by one it failed me! i don know... im really dam stress. Health,Results,family,frens and u! all of it i out in effort to attain wat i hope to see! and just when i tot i saw the light! i failed once again! i failed lyk i was in primary school! i felt so useless! dumb! rubbish bin! i felt so un-needed! i don understand why! perservin ur smile! creatin a trouble free home, "B"results! frens who understand rather then take advantage! and cuttin down on weights! i don know! all of my aim all failed me one by one! im miserable.really donkey miserable.
Monday, November 23, 2009
sry.
I don know! i really don~i don understand! Since the two of u are angry wif me! then the problems lies wiif me rather then wat i used to think~ I am onli tryin to protect the two of u! becos the two of u means alot alot alot to me! I always believe that as long as u girls are smilin im right! im on the right path as long as the two of u isnt sulkin! i tried so hard! put in so much time, considerin every aspect! thinkin about every possible way i could do, every possible role i could play so as to savage and glue both of ur smile forever! I think for now! i failed! really failed, because i totally do not understand wat u girls need! i think maybe my greatest mistaker isnt lyin or not tellin! isnt apologisin or personal ego! but a little too concern about how to keep the smile glued to both of ur face until i forgotten how to live lyk a proper man! I think that is my greatest downpour!
Seriously speakin! the both of u did brought alot of joy and laughter into my life! The both of u are so blur at times, till the point i cant believe that u are my fren! the both of u are so fantastic at times, till the point i totally give in my heart to! the both of u are are so nice at times until i cant believe im actually livin in mother earth! the both of u are so so so wonderful! in term of frens, best frens or watever! when im typin this post, my brain is playin like a recorder! i can clearly remeber the times when u make me laugh so hard! the time when u made me feel warmth in the darkest nite! I felt i was loved! i felt that im finally the center's of ones eyes! i felt happy. really happy, from the bottom of my heart. But everytime! every time when i shared somethin unhappy about myself to u guys! i sort of find that u guys are feelin depressed! some wat sad! and for me! i hate to see ppl i lyk that much! treasure that much to be sad! even the slightest bits~i just hate it! And since that is the cause of the ll the problem im facin! i should cover it up wif anithin, ani possible ways to cover up the problem! i always think that wat im doin is the best for all of us! but now the resultn is so negative! one of them is angry! and the other is either fed up! or don even wan to see me again! best if i just die!
I don know if that is wat ppl always say: don act smart! becos u are not smart at all! i just felt very very sry to put u ladies throught this, which is so unncessary if not of my stupidity! No wonder i make the both of u so angry! im really a big bug idiot! my way of 大男人主意 is just so wrong! cos in the end im not gettin wat i wan! the smile glued smile form the both of u! "when i put myself in the shoes of both of u! i found that, wat i did was really intolerable and Idiotic! I didnt know that im so selfish! Wat i onli knew how to do was to make decision which i think will benefits u ladies most instead of considerin wat is it that u really wanted! Who would wan a fren who onli shared happy moment wif them but keep all the sad moment form them? who would wan a fren to lie to them! or to interfere in their life almost 24hrs a day! who would wan a fren to decide wat is right for them and let the fren thake away the ur ability to choose! who would wan a fren who will try to put on a mask in front of u everytime he meets u! where is the stabilty? how can i then trust this fren? how then can i then believe this fren of mine will be faithful to me, today! yst! tmr! and alot more tmr! So wat if he is good! so wat if he is carin! so wat if he lyks and wan to protect me! he isnt givin me the proper respect which i should get! so wat if he is a maker! so wat if he promnise me the stars and the moon! he couldnt understand the basic aspect of frenship! i felt as if my 感情 had be conned by this guys! completely! he is just a big big big big big asshole! who thinks that he understand everythin but he didnt! "he didnt even understand why i woke up in the middle of the nite to sms him when he was insulted by his fren! he didnt even understand why I kept quiet when eveyone was disturbin him! I doubt he understand why I cared about him so much! all he knows is to apologise! and even if he does apologise! did he even know wat he is apologisin for? all is he apologisn for the sake of apologisin thinkin that apologisin can get him throught everythin! I always thought he understand me, that y i trusted him so much! that y i make a pact wif him allowin him onli to call me 'cute' that y i speak to him when i feel upset! but time after time! chance after chance he failed me! hen totally don know me! he know nth! his words of promise sound so nice that i just wish time hang from that moment! but wat's the point of promisin if he is goin to break it 2 or 3 months down the road! he just don understand me!" " Wat is the point tellin him all of my 心事 when he didnt even wan to share wif me his? am i that un trust worthy to him? then wat is all this smsin? wat is all this little chat session i had wif him? was it just another show or act he put up to lie to me? how then can i trust him? wat did he see me as? did he even treat me on the level of fren! how important am i to him? just another donkey or monkey lyk wat he always mentioned? am i that low class? Wat does he think he is! some kind of hero who happy-dally popped into my life and tell me that he will protect me for the rest of my life? Wat is the point of bein a fren if he just wan to become a hero who come and goes as he wans? wat is the point of bein nice to me when he is just goin to crush wat we have built lyk legos? just how important did he see our 感情? a child's play? MASA? is he worth it? is he? just another sucker who wans to act cool! just another asshole which thinks that he knows anithin and everythin! Let me tell u in the face man dude! u DON!"
Took me long enough to find out that wat i always think im right and best at is wat im most stupid and idiotic at! Im sry for bein so slow and stupid! imagine how much i had hurt u girls! it just pain my hearts! seriously speakin~ Death is not an issue i will bother much about! but u girls are the things which i will nvr nvr be able to forget and walk past as if ani donkey did! Im wrong this time! seriously wrong! so wrong until i don know how to repent! don know how to make up! don know how to forgive myself! but i think, i still owe the both of u one apology! since becos of my immature thinkin i had make u suffer this much! I hope the two of u can find a fren next time! sry~ i couldnt forgive myself! my misdeed is just KNS! I failed to be the promise one! i failed to be the carin one! i failed as ur fren.
Sry! tian-cai! for everythin.
Sry! huiting! I failed.
Im sry ladies! really apologetic.
-jz(asshole)
Seriously speakin! the both of u did brought alot of joy and laughter into my life! The both of u are so blur at times, till the point i cant believe that u are my fren! the both of u are so fantastic at times, till the point i totally give in my heart to! the both of u are are so nice at times until i cant believe im actually livin in mother earth! the both of u are so so so wonderful! in term of frens, best frens or watever! when im typin this post, my brain is playin like a recorder! i can clearly remeber the times when u make me laugh so hard! the time when u made me feel warmth in the darkest nite! I felt i was loved! i felt that im finally the center's of ones eyes! i felt happy. really happy, from the bottom of my heart. But everytime! every time when i shared somethin unhappy about myself to u guys! i sort of find that u guys are feelin depressed! some wat sad! and for me! i hate to see ppl i lyk that much! treasure that much to be sad! even the slightest bits~i just hate it! And since that is the cause of the ll the problem im facin! i should cover it up wif anithin, ani possible ways to cover up the problem! i always think that wat im doin is the best for all of us! but now the resultn is so negative! one of them is angry! and the other is either fed up! or don even wan to see me again! best if i just die!
I don know if that is wat ppl always say: don act smart! becos u are not smart at all! i just felt very very sry to put u ladies throught this, which is so unncessary if not of my stupidity! No wonder i make the both of u so angry! im really a big bug idiot! my way of 大男人主意 is just so wrong! cos in the end im not gettin wat i wan! the smile glued smile form the both of u! "when i put myself in the shoes of both of u! i found that, wat i did was really intolerable and Idiotic! I didnt know that im so selfish! Wat i onli knew how to do was to make decision which i think will benefits u ladies most instead of considerin wat is it that u really wanted! Who would wan a fren who onli shared happy moment wif them but keep all the sad moment form them? who would wan a fren to lie to them! or to interfere in their life almost 24hrs a day! who would wan a fren to decide wat is right for them and let the fren thake away the ur ability to choose! who would wan a fren who will try to put on a mask in front of u everytime he meets u! where is the stabilty? how can i then trust this fren? how then can i then believe this fren of mine will be faithful to me, today! yst! tmr! and alot more tmr! So wat if he is good! so wat if he is carin! so wat if he lyks and wan to protect me! he isnt givin me the proper respect which i should get! so wat if he is a maker! so wat if he promnise me the stars and the moon! he couldnt understand the basic aspect of frenship! i felt as if my 感情 had be conned by this guys! completely! he is just a big big big big big asshole! who thinks that he understand everythin but he didnt! "he didnt even understand why i woke up in the middle of the nite to sms him when he was insulted by his fren! he didnt even understand why I kept quiet when eveyone was disturbin him! I doubt he understand why I cared about him so much! all he knows is to apologise! and even if he does apologise! did he even know wat he is apologisin for? all is he apologisn for the sake of apologisin thinkin that apologisin can get him throught everythin! I always thought he understand me, that y i trusted him so much! that y i make a pact wif him allowin him onli to call me 'cute' that y i speak to him when i feel upset! but time after time! chance after chance he failed me! hen totally don know me! he know nth! his words of promise sound so nice that i just wish time hang from that moment! but wat's the point of promisin if he is goin to break it 2 or 3 months down the road! he just don understand me!" " Wat is the point tellin him all of my 心事 when he didnt even wan to share wif me his? am i that un trust worthy to him? then wat is all this smsin? wat is all this little chat session i had wif him? was it just another show or act he put up to lie to me? how then can i trust him? wat did he see me as? did he even treat me on the level of fren! how important am i to him? just another donkey or monkey lyk wat he always mentioned? am i that low class? Wat does he think he is! some kind of hero who happy-dally popped into my life and tell me that he will protect me for the rest of my life? Wat is the point of bein a fren if he just wan to become a hero who come and goes as he wans? wat is the point of bein nice to me when he is just goin to crush wat we have built lyk legos? just how important did he see our 感情? a child's play? MASA? is he worth it? is he? just another sucker who wans to act cool! just another asshole which thinks that he knows anithin and everythin! Let me tell u in the face man dude! u DON!"
Took me long enough to find out that wat i always think im right and best at is wat im most stupid and idiotic at! Im sry for bein so slow and stupid! imagine how much i had hurt u girls! it just pain my hearts! seriously speakin~ Death is not an issue i will bother much about! but u girls are the things which i will nvr nvr be able to forget and walk past as if ani donkey did! Im wrong this time! seriously wrong! so wrong until i don know how to repent! don know how to make up! don know how to forgive myself! but i think, i still owe the both of u one apology! since becos of my immature thinkin i had make u suffer this much! I hope the two of u can find a fren next time! sry~ i couldnt forgive myself! my misdeed is just KNS! I failed to be the promise one! i failed to be the carin one! i failed as ur fren.
Sry! tian-cai! for everythin.
Sry! huiting! I failed.
Im sry ladies! really apologetic.
-jz(asshole)
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
words of depression
Should i or should i not? i no longer know! im so confused! so veri veri confused! i know that u are unhappy! those starin starin thing which u did! i know that u don wan me to be close to anione! i somehow know all of that. but how am i goin to ensure the safety of this another innocent girl? she isnt an weapon! she isnt a tool! she is someone i treasure as much as u! she is that special to me too!
U arent given me hope! u arent givin me ani chance to repent! u arent givin me anithin, u arent givin me the ability to move forwards or backwards! u are just tryin to make me angry! veri angry! veri lonely! and very down! if not for all of my other frens! i would have giv up long ago! u broke me! u broke my heart! and u are unhappy when i am wif other girls! yet u wan me to see u wif other guys! WTH! i don know! if love is blind! i hope i will nvr lyk u ever again! it is painful! way to pain! i don know! wo mei you yong bah!
U arent given me hope! u arent givin me ani chance to repent! u arent givin me anithin, u arent givin me the ability to move forwards or backwards! u are just tryin to make me angry! veri angry! veri lonely! and very down! if not for all of my other frens! i would have giv up long ago! u broke me! u broke my heart! and u are unhappy when i am wif other girls! yet u wan me to see u wif other guys! WTH! i don know! if love is blind! i hope i will nvr lyk u ever again! it is painful! way to pain! i don know! wo mei you yong bah!
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