regrets

I think i have made a terrible mistake by sendin u that msg yst nite right girl? u must be thinkin that i am good to u for a purpose! u must have think that i am a hole in a hole in a pigeon hole right!i am sry! real sry! was no longer clear of wat i wanted yst nite~ hasty and alot of assumption created misunderstandin which i didnt manage to see and clear. everythin turned into a mess when i suddenly became impatient and toss away that piece of necklace~ to me it was lyk tossin away all the hopes i pended on u.next comes the dream,which made me lost control of my emotions.. and ya~ i did somethin which i wasnt suppose to do. When i settle down and calm down! then i realise how foolish i am to do thing lyk such. i regretted it! seriously regretted it! just hope that wat i did to u the nite before didnt hurt u! for i will hate myself forever if i hurt u! im sry~ regrettful! and missin u!im so so so idiot~ so foolish! so jiazhen...

Im a big bad IDIOT!

HEY~ do u know what hurts and scare me the most? Dreams! do u know why is it dreams? becos wake up! i must comfort myself everythin is just a dream! when it becomes a habits, i nid to face this fear of wakin up and sleepin everyday! that is how scary it is to me! will things turns into reality? i doubt? i don know? im confuse!

First thing first! happy b'd to my dearest mother! hope that u will will be as happy as a nut! but don turn into a nut la! afterall! i wan a happy and carefree mother rather then a mother! it hurts my heart to see u angry or feelin sad becos of my actions! i will promise u i will be good! so that i can freeze ur smile till eternity.
slept for 3 hrs yst nite! hmm.. ya! was broodin over somethin! but NO! i nvr emotional breakdown! i just felt very bad! veri veri bad and sry to some of my frens! after i heard from cherry wat u said! my heart just shattered! i didnt expect,didnt think, didnt imagine not even dream that u will say those words to me. Was my care for u not enuff? was it that i had bein doin the wrong things from the time i decided to help u? was it that.... Im no longer sure wat i did for u was right! am i right to exchange my frens and her moodiness for ur smile? am i right to stand by ur side even if the whole world will turn against me! had i done somethin wrong yst nite? i really really don know!
I wanted to keep my promised! i wanted to keep u free from tears! i wanted to keep u free from anithin that might hurt u! i wanted u to be happy! but~ i don know! i got so flared up becos im worried bout wat u did! u wanted him to giv up! u wanted him not to waste his time! but that is just not the way to do things! that is just so incorrect! by lettin more ppl know bout u and him! u are not onli hurtin him but urself too! do u now that? if u hurt him! his frens will hate u~ u will have less frens! u will feel sad! and alot of other veri inconvenient stuff will comes in~ if the whole class knows about it! Steph may knows! and from the present data we had so far! Steph has the highest possibility of lyk him! and u will make urself another enemy and make one of ur frens moody over it! ppl in the class may also not agree to wat u are doin! cos from alot of ppls point of view~ he isnt a bad guy! he is quite a "popular" in the class, they may deemed ur actions as somethin bad rather then the way u think it is. In my point of view! wat u are doin is suicidal rather then makin him giv up! i don know~ wat maybe the best way for u to tell him this! but a face to face talk is unavoidable if u wan things to go that way! so ya.. i don know! maybe wat i said was bullshit! i just arrgghh... feel veri vexed up. do u know u just poke somethin sharp into my heart yst? it hurts! really hurts! i don know y u are doin it! but ya~ i had always deem u as a close frens! so close that i am willin to go to the extent of goin against 2 of my most important pillars in life! but but~ u showed me in one nite that i was really nth to u! u told me cherry that i was sidin him when i almost giv up everythin in return for ur smile! i just don understand y do u wan to say that! im always standin by ur side, helpin u to keep alook out on appraochin dangers! but nvr nvr nvr did i dreamt that u will actually say that im just sidin him when i am not! Im not regrettin for wat i have done, neither did i felt ani happier by doin that! but i just i just wanted u to be happy and stay unharm at the end of the days! Im sry that i broke my promise yst! im sry that i made u angry yst! im sry ting! im sry yy!im sry for tryin to act smart!im sry for bein a smart alec! i just don wan u guys to be gloomy and sad at the end of the days.. Im so sry for everythin guys! it is all my fault! so all of u just pls smile! and ya~ thank you cherry! really thanks!
i don know how to cont le! just hope the best for u guys! ya thats all! so ya.. pls be happy

fan fan fan fan

hello guys! yep! i know i just posted somethin today mornin! yep! i know this is just wastin ur time! so pls for those who don feel lyk seein stuff which will make ur body-hair stand, move ur cursor to the top right-hand corner! see the X button? yep! u are right! click it! wad? ask u weather to close tabs anot? eh! press yes! ya! gone right? magical right! lol! ya! i know! im just bein lame! yea! but other then bein lame~ i don know wat else i can do! yea! i really don know wat else i want to do!
U made me so so so confused and vexed up over these things! so much so~ that i cant sleep well at nite! so much so that i cant stop thinkin of wat u are doin every now and then but still worried that my SMSes will make u frustrated and irritated! so much so that i still pick up my phone now and then hopin to see ur name appear right infront of me! I don wanna give u extra stress lyk wat my fren done to ur best frens! i don wan to give u stress and force u to make decision base on impulses or stress.. I want to give u the previlage of havin all the time to ur own! i wan u to be happy! i wan u to smile lyk a nut! i wan u to be everythin~ every every beautiful i seen in my life! Im sorry! i have been under lots and lots of stress recently! exams! frens! family!... i wanted to squeeze out more time! maybe just that extra 5 mins for me to pick up the phone to see how u are doin! but i just lack the courage and time to do so! SRY~ for everythin that got to do wif not callin u! Im puzzled! seriously puzzled by ur actions! I no longer can tell if ur actions is a act of courteousy or have other meanins to it! i force myself not to think too much! i ask advice from my frens! but still... i came to conclude that it was the act of jealousy! the conclusion got me happy for quite a few days! before ur words hit me head on and put me to exile again! there was this time! when u suddenly have a total change in behavior to me. THAT feelin is unbearable! it is lyk takin away all the sweetness in an instance and flooded me up wif toxic! it is suffocatin me! it is killin me bits by bits!it just hurts to the core and leave me awake throu out the nite! are u really happy doin that? is this really wat u wan? i don know! im not sure! im confused!!!
Do u still rmb this poem? i don eat in the mornin becos i miss u..
i don eat in the afternoon becos i miss u..
i don eat in the nite becos i miss u..
i don sleep at nite becos im hungry.. still rmb this poem u sent me? i couldnt sleep that nite! i couldnt imagine that u would actually send me this kind of things! i was so so so excited and happy that nite! u told me it was cute! and yea! really it was! but i just cant stop myself into thinkin u are actually hintin me... and when those thoughts flows down each and every veins in my body! i felt the sudden sure in courage, happiness and HOPE. im a loser! maybe u did that out of courtesy maybe u mean somethin more then it! maybe u find that it is a good piece u must share wif ur frens! maybe u wanted me to see it! maybe u wanted me to forward it! or maybe... i don know! sometimes when i feel vexed up or have a small conflict wif my frens or family! ur smile will force away all my feelin and make me smile radiantly again! sometimes! i just wish to spend that little more time wif u! i value all those train ride wif u by my side! i treasure all those time i spent together wif u! i rmb and will nvr forget each and every single words i used in a phone conversation wif u! i hate to see ur tears! i hate to see u feelin sad! cos each and every of that expression breaks my hearts! i promise u wif happiness! and i will accomplish my promise even if im not the one by ur side! as long as u smile at then end of the day! I hope to e the reason u smile for, the reason u drops ur tears for.. and the reason u get angry for! becos im nvr goin to make u feel that drop a single tears or get angry~ i don know how! but i will do it! i think! i feel! i promised!
to evoke a feelin takes time..
to stir a sense takes seconds..
to miss u takes mins..
to think of u takes hours..
to be love u takes week..
to be wif u takes months..
to be together for a lifetime takes years..
to make u bring u happiness and laughter takes my lifetime..

Ur happiness is my choice! it has been and will always be... Even if im not the one by ur side everynite!